Mexican Stick Up

Three hard or soft tacos at Guzman and Gomez sell for only $13.50 – pretty good. The thing is, you can pick any filling – for any taco! You’re fucking them! You’re fucking Guzman and you’re fucking Gomez! Get the pan-seared barramundi, the pulled pork and slow cooked beef. Get them spicy – always. It’s basically stealing. We’re all wearing masks because of the current pandemic of course… So actually, it’s a fucking robbery!

‘Can I get three tacos, my man?‘ This is me. I enunciate like a horse at a stage play because I know the staff to have gas station attendant literacy in English (I come here for the atmosphere).  

‘Gngh-gm huh-dh oh sugh?’ produces the stout Oaxacan from behind his mask.

‘Yeah, one with barramundi, one pork and the slow cooked beef.’

‘Doo-hugh, o do-wanh-sah?’

‘Let’s make ‘em spicy. All of them spicy. For sure.’ 

‘Hughm oh shah?’

‘Yeah, can I also get the tortilla chips with guacamole, please? Medium.’ (There’s a tiny, fat man inside of me.)

‘… Uh-hm.’

‘Hey, and can we make sure they are all soft tacos, please?’

Takes his mask off, ‘Fuck you, man! I just asked you three times if you want them hard or soft!’


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