I have a black cat called Driver. He’s cute enough to be eating takeaway butter chicken on a Friday, but some dark fuckery is afoot with this thing.  About a week ago, an anonymous Twitter egg sent me a picture of Driver on a boat with a swordfish. It’s from 2009… I’m not a superstitious […]

Three hard or soft tacos at Guzman and Gomez sell for only $13.50 – pretty good. The thing is, you can pick any filling – for any taco! You’re fucking them! You’re fucking Guzman and you’re fucking Gomez! Get the pan-seared barramundi, the pulled pork and slow cooked beef. Get them spicy – always. It’s […]

[click] … Rocks and gravel, cut down by otherworldly forces to a barren expanse without form; that never breathes; that has exhausted itself in its abject flatness, never to inspire a living soul. A line of workers is traversing the ghastly landscape. They have done so every day of their lives. After all, their father […]

The below is the foreword to the Anniversary Issue of the Do-Be-Do-Be-Do; the brand design journal no one has ever heard of. How pleased we are that you picked up this thing — Blow’s 10-year-anniversary celebration in wood pulp and ink — a special edition of the Do-Be-Do-Be-Do. This is it. Finally, we’ve set out […]

Imagine, advertising’s been out on a drug-fueled binge-train of craziness. It’s way past midnight. In fact, it’s real late and by now, you’d rather be in bed and cry into your pillow, but your closest brands keep shouting rounds at the well-stocked media bar: Depraved TV, Radio, Out of Home ads – traditional stuff – […]

Someone taps me on the shoulder. ‘Yep. What’s up, man?’ ‘The dog says, you got drugs.’ We’ve been here for about 20 minutes. Long enough to be trick-hugged by the girls next to us who came to order Martinis and go to the bathroom. ‘This dog right here?’ I ask a guy in a train […]

Our new website. It’s complicated. Just under our logo, a space is set for what is technically referred to as ‘a blurb’. Once populated with the right words, it will convey to even the most impervious mind what kind of site their little-thought-search-term landed them on. That’s sort of my job for this new website. […]

I’m holding two cups of coffee in one hand while I fudge my key into the lock. I’ve got bigger hands in my dreams. What does that mean? Kasia’s still asleep. Boy, she’s not gonna change for nothing. I’ll give her a few more minutes and switch on the TV – they must be telling […]

Many people don’t know this, but there is an online rumour that now POTUS Donald J. Trump was giving a sponsored product presentation, in another body, only a few months ago. You cannot help but wonder how this might impact his actions in the first 100 days of his presidency. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFP_7dbBZkw Still on YouTube, it’s […]

“Ok March… well, so in a circus, ok, there’s a monkey. He’s sitting in his cage, alright? And then, one night, the monkey he’s like, he thinks to himself ‘Man, I’m so horny, I could fuck a lion’. He climbs out of his cage and sneaks up on the lion. Then he fucks him from behind.” This […]

This is a New Year’s story.

What’s that?

Imagine a Christmas story, only a few days later, with a werewolf the size of Dikembe Mutombo and a set of teeth like shards of broken teacups in a burning trash bin. Happy New Year by the way.

We are waiting for our food to arrive. I notice there is an unmistakable ‘beachy’ odour to the St Kilda McDonalds Burger Restaurant. It smells of algae and jellyfish. Maybe I’m just hungry. There is sand in every possible crevice and a salty, thin layer of magic on every piece of furniture – If you’re […]