Someone taps me on the shoulder. ‘Yep. What’s up, man?’ ‘The dog says, ‘You got drugs.’ We’ve been here for about 20 minutes. Long enough to be trick-hugged by the girls next to us who came to order Martinis and go to the bathroom. ‘This dog right here?’ I ask a guy in a train […]

The man who knows everything is my girlfriend’s dad. ‘That’s so convenient!’ you would rightly assume, putting myself epistemologically well ahead of the general populace. 

Sheer incredulity warrants a closer look at what’s described as ‘Knows Everything’ in the throw-away title of this blog post. The man doesn’t really ‘know’ everything, in the sense you and I would associate with ‘knowing’. It’s not the truth. But that said, it could be.

Our new website. It’s complicated. Just under our logo, a space is set for what is technically referred to as ‘a blurb’. Once populated with the right words, it will convey to even the most impervious mind what kind of site their little-thought-search-term landed them on. That’s sort of my job for this new website. […]

I’m holding two cups of coffee in one hand while I fudge my key into the lock. I’ve got bigger hands in my dreams. What does that mean? Kasia’s still asleep. Boy, she’s not gonna change for nothing. I’ll give her a few more minutes and switch on the TV – they must be telling […]

Many people don’t know this, but there is an online rumour that now POTUS Donald J. Trump was giving a sponsored product presentation, in another body, only a few months ago. You cannot help but wonder how this might impact his actions in the first 100 days of his presidency. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFP_7dbBZkw Still on YouTube, it’s […]

“Ok March… well, so in a circus, ok, there’s a monkey. He’s sitting in his cage, alright. And then, one night, the monkey he’s like, he thinks to himself ‘Man, I’m so horny, I could fuck a lion’. He climbs out of his cage and sneaks up on the lion. Then he fucks him from behind.” I […]

This is a New Year’s story.

What’s that?

Imagine a Christmas story, only a few days later, with a werewolf the size of Dikembe Mutombo and a set of teeth like shards of broken teacups in a burning trash bin. Happy New Year by the way.

We are waiting for our food to arrive. I notice there is an unmistakable ‘beachy’ taste to the St Kilda McDonalds Burger Restaurant. It smells of algae and jellyfish. Maybe I’m just hungry. There is sand in every possible crevice and a salty, thin layer of magic on every piece of furniture – If you’re […]