I wake up like a gong, hands firmly attached to my sheets – probably drowning. My eyes are flashlights in the dark of the bedroom, centering toute de suite on a large black spider, mid-leap between the window sill and my duvet. It lands with a soft thud somewhere near me left knee – chef’s […]
Read More A Large Black Spider
I have a black cat called Driver. He’s cute enough to be eating takeaway butter chicken on a Friday, but some dark fuckery is afoot with this thing. About a week ago, an anonymous Twitter egg sent me a picture of Driver on a boat with a swordfish. It’s from 2009… I’m not a superstitious […]
Read More Driver
Three hard or soft tacos at Guzman and Gomez sell for only $13.50 – pretty good. The thing is, you can pick any filling – for any taco! You’re fucking them! You’re fucking Guzman and you’re fucking Gomez! Get the pan-seared barramundi, the pulled pork and slow cooked beef. Get them spicy – always. It’s […]
Read More Mexican Stick Up
[click] … Rocks and gravel, cut down by otherworldly forces to a barren expanse without form; that never breathes; that has exhausted itself in its abject flatness, never to inspire a living soul. A line of workers is traversing the ghastly landscape. They have done so every day of their lives. After all, their father […]
Read More Remote Control
The below is the foreword to the Anniversary Issue of the Do-Be-Do-Be-Do; the brand design journal no one has ever heard of. How pleased we are that you picked up this thing — Blow’s 10-year-anniversary celebration in wood pulp and ink — a special edition of the Do-Be-Do-Be-Do. This is it. Finally, we’ve set out […]
Read More 10Y-Down
Imagine, advertising’s been out on a drug-fueled binge-train of craziness. It’s way past midnight. In fact, it’s real late and by now, you’d rather be in bed and cry into your pillow, but your closest brands keep shouting rounds at the well-stocked media bar: Depraved TV, Radio, Out of Home ads – traditional stuff – […]
Read More IT’S OVER
Someone taps me on the shoulder. ‘Yep. What’s up, man?’ ‘The dog says, you got drugs.’ We’ve been here for about 20 minutes. Long enough to be trick-hugged by the girls next to us who came to order Martinis and go to the bathroom. ‘This dog right here?’ I ask a guy in a train […]
Read More The Dog Says, You Got Drugs
Our new website. It’s complicated. Just under our logo, a space is set for what is technically referred to as ‘a blurb’. Once populated with the right words, it will convey to even the most impervious mind what kind of site their little-thought-search-term landed them on. That’s sort of my job for this new website. […]
Read More This is Blow, right?
I’m holding two cups of coffee in one hand while I fudge my key into the lock. I’ve got bigger hands in my dreams. What does that mean? Kasia’s still asleep. Boy, she’s not gonna change for nothing. I’ll give her a few more minutes and switch on the TV – they must be telling […]
Read More He’s insane! Do you know his dreams?!
Many people don’t know this, but there is an online rumour that now POTUS Donald J. Trump was giving a sponsored product presentation, in another body, only a few months ago. You cannot help but wonder how this might impact his actions in the first 100 days of his presidency. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFP_7dbBZkw Still on YouTube, it’s […]
Read More The Trump Surface – His last paid speech
“Ok March… well, so in a circus, ok, there’s a monkey. He’s sitting in his cage, alright? And then, one night, the monkey he’s like, he thinks to himself ‘Man, I’m so horny, I could fuck a lion’. He climbs out of his cage and sneaks up on the lion. Then he fucks him from behind.” This […]
Read More The Monkey That Fucked The Lion
This is a New Year’s story.
Imagine a Christmas story, only a few days later, with a werewolf the size of Dikembe Mutombo and a set of teeth like shards of broken teacups in a burning trash bin. Happy New Year by the way.
Read More The Easternmost Point of Missing Out
We are waiting for our food to arrive. I notice there is an unmistakable ‘beachy’ odour to the St Kilda McDonalds Burger Restaurant. It smells of algae and jellyfish. Maybe I’m just hungry. There is sand in every possible crevice and a salty, thin layer of magic on every piece of furniture – If you’re […]
Read More The Kids Are All White
At first sight, you enjoyed this mess. Admit it. Come on! It fucking moves when you tilt your phone. That’s crazy! But now… You’re a little bitter, maybe? iOS7 has turned into that new girlfriend who finally admits, she’s not shaving above the knee anymore. Or your new guy for that matter, who’s now perfectly comfortable […]
Read More How you like me now?
Be safe and join the movement. Every year over 10.000.000 people bring harm to themselves, drinking coffee in Australia alone.
Read More #SaferTakeAwayToday
Boom Logo on Brand New The guys from UnderConsideration.com take a look at the Boom identity and some of the collateral… I particularly dislike one comment about the colour palette being ‘not fresh’. But you be the judge. I hate that guy.
Read More Boom Logo on Brand New
Hitchhike a ride – sitting and salivating, yes, but also virtual and via TV – through the galaxy with Stephen Hawking! That is the infotainment promise for the free-to-air documentary Stephen Hawking’s Universe. The whole show is co-narrated by a regular narrator, let’s say. A guy who would be doing the voice over to advertise ice […]
Read More Wheelchair Driver’s Guide to the Galaxy
Extra virgin olive oil from Vico del Gargano, Italy, mixed with the greased tremor of Australian chillies, sun-dried and infused in the Cross of Kings.
Read More Gonzoil
Almost missed a conference call that day.
Read More Yeah, yeah, yeah skydive
Check out the latest animation just completed for the Marilyn shirt available at http://www.thenotsofriendlygeneralstore.com
Read More Marilyn Muerta
So I just got back from Manila in the Philippines for my best friend’s wedding, and boy was I glad to be back home. Even thought there were a few parts of the trip that were eye opening to say the least, over all, I didn’t like this place one bit. As soon as I […]
Read More No Thrilla in Manila
There is no fucking chocolate in those pipes! So what is he building in there? We have a right to know. Cause I need caffeine late at night. Albeit from a shop that pays a dedicated marketing team of escaped mental patients to sell hot chocolate to Chinese people. Those big strapping pipes that connect […]
Read More The Brenner File
Father Christmas steps on stage – respectful applause. It’s not his first time at the Vanguard. You can tell. The bearded do-gooder laughs deeply from his entire diaphragm. Then silence. With a few cautious steps he inspects his surroundings. Just so as if he wanted to see, if everything is still where he left it . […]
Read More Mr Smyth